A Whyohwhy Day

Do you ever have one of those days where you wonder why you keep trying? Where, just a day previous, you were convinced you were somehow worthy and now today you’re just not so sure? Yeah, well… I got another rejection today, one I’d been waiting on for 5+ months. And my writers conference fantasy [...]

Losing My Spot

I am writing this quick dispatch from my morning writing spot in the few stolen moments between paragraphs, a mere hour until I have to run in for a meeting at work. This is the coffee chain downtown that has seen me write truly hundreds of pages in the past couple of years (if you [...]

Clinically Story Obsessed

Sometimes I get completely and totally obsessed with short stories—yes, the most impractical of fictions. Not just reading them (though put me in a room with a good selection of literary journals *ah, periodicals room at Butler Library, how I miss you* and you might have to drag me from it) but wanting to write [...]

Catalogue of Disappointments

There was a time, maybe two years back, when I was feeling overly sorry for myself, realizing how many things I’ve tried for as a writer, and how many times I’ve been shot down, and I thought to make myself feel better (do not ask me why I thought this could possibly make me feel [...]

But I Want to Be a Writer

I went out for drinks to explain myself the other night. To say why I was leaving. To bridge some of the awkwardness that had flooded up between me and the person who was the main reason I stayed put for four years.
I suppose, to some, it might not make sense—leaving this job when I [...]

Mud

Someone said to me, “You’d better do really well at that new job, or my name is mud.”
This person had been one of my supportive recommenders, but it turns out she’d wanted the job I got. I asked her yesterday if she was upset at me for applying (she had told me she wasn’t applying [...]

Napped

It was an odd weekend. I napped twice in the span of three days. I do not nap; it’s something I try to avoid at all costs, all thoughts of napping forbidden! (Though, I’ll admit, I think longingly of leisurely afternoons spent napping more often than I should.) If I do nap, if I cannot [...]

Graduation

I attended my little sister’s college graduation this week—two separate ceremonies at a large urban university. She surprised us, and herself, by graduating with honors in her major, and magna cum laude. She had no idea, in fact, until we saw the symbols next to her name in the commencement program and texted the news [...]

What I’m Writing (A Sad Status Report)

These past few weeks I’ve been in a trap of my own making. It’s called saying yes to too many freelance projects on top of working full-time, and I’m regretting it. How many times have I typed those very words here? I bet some of you may want to shake me silly right now. I [...]

What’s Real

My new job doesn’t feel real yet. I just don’t believe it. Did they really hire me? I don’t want to get too excited as of yet. I feel like I’m imagining this and I’m going to wake up from a very long and involved dream to a pile of work and a stack of [...]

Reactions When Giving Notice

I gave notice at work today. News is, I got a new job.
Reactions were varied, including:

Heartfelt congratulations
Closed door confessions
Tears
Secret hugs
Thumbs up
Scowls
Shock
Whispers of will you get me a job there?
Panic
Giddy laughter, as if three people leaving in a row is funny
Jealousy, expected
Jealousy, very very unexpected
Possible sabotage
Wails of Noooooooo!
The silent treatment
Talk of “too little too late”
More hugs
Suggestions [...]

Feeling Odd

A certain circumstance in my life is about to change next month—will post details when I’ve told everyone who needs to know tomorrow; you never know who’s reading this—and I’m just sitting here reeling. It’s the weirdest thing, but knowing my daily routine will change, that I will have a new shot at things, just [...]

Swallowed

Where oh where have I been? Was I eaten by wolves? No. Was I abducted by little gray beings and fondled with electrodes? No—not that I’m saying that couldn’t happen. I’ve just been busy working on some freelance projects, regretting saying yes to them, to one project in particular, to one very long project that [...]

Sealed Envelope

Do you ever hide secret notes for your future self, promptly forget, and then find one later squished in some random spot, and go huh?
Last night I found one of mine. We were looking for a certain software CD—we checked the shelves in the living room, the computer boxes, the shelves in the bedroom, the [...]

Focus Focus Focus (What Was I Talking About Again?)

A glimpse at my page this morning follows. What started as a conversation with myself about what I wanted to do with a certain chapter—it helps me build up momentum into writing, at least usually—turned into this. I am ashamed:
…But if I just focus on this one small thing, it could help, it could, I [...]

Fuzzy

I’m worthless at night, my head filled with fuzz. After getting up early in the mornings to make a not-always-successful attempt to write, then a full day at work, I can’t exactly function properly when I get home around 7. Sometimes I don’t hear what is being said to me; that’s probably very annoying. Sometimes [...]

Two Selves

One: Bitter
So much of me is bitter these days. And since I can only blame my reality on my own sloppy choices, it is no one’s fault that I work more than do anything else, that I will never be able to pay off my student loans (unless the lottery fairy comes), that I am [...]