Who Is . . . ?

Who is Steven Millhauser? I was first introduced to his fiction when I was 22 and in graduate school; the book was Martin Dressler, the city New York, and if you write a dreamy, magical-realist take of Manhattan a century ago, you’ve got me at the first page, even way back then.
Then, years later, I [...]

Payday

I came home today to a check. THE check. The first half of my advance for my tween novel.
Excerpt of running commentary inside my head: Seriously, they paid me? And I haven’t written it all yet? Did the person cutting the check know that? Am I aloud to cash it now? Should I buy a [...]

Off Chances, Lost Songs and Stories, Countersignatures, Strawberry Fluoride, and Me and Me and Me and Me

On the off chance that you were wondering, this was the week I…
…lost my whole hard drive, writing and pictures and passwords and letters and songs and mysteries galore…
…was delivered a countersigned contract for my novel with a message from my editor that it is now time for more cake!…
…waded through messes at work…
…though there [...]

Books and Unicorns

Reading is such a personal vocation for me—revealing what I really think about a book feels like flashing my underwear—which I guess is why I don’t do book reviews here. I finished a book I had a love/semi-annoyed relationship with recently and thought of posting about it, then didn’t. Maybe I’m afraid I can’t be [...]

For Yojo*

Today is Yojo’s birthday. She hasn’t been feeling well, so I hope this finds her feeling better. I hope her voice returned. I hope she enjoys her day.
I think I first met Yojo my second year at college. I don’t remember exactly if it was that year or the one before, but I do remember [...]

A Creative Existence in the Cracks and Corners of Real Life

I have the day job blues. A coworker and I were talking about that fantasy of one day being able to write full-time—maybe you’ll be able to do it soon, I told him. Maybe you’ll be able to do it soon, he told me. But I know I won’t be able to do any such [...]

Distractions of 2007, Desires for 2008

I was solidly distracted throughout 2007. But when I look back I can also see I was pretty tenacious.
In January of 2007 I was just as busy as I am now. But I still found time to goof off and to blindly plead with the world for assistance. (Still waiting for answers, btw… February found me [...]

Far from Home

I’m doing better in terms of words that can be counted (18,627 as of tonight), but I am well aware that I’ll have to cut a great many at the end. That’s to be expected, I know, but I’m not sure how helpful this process will be to me except in sheer pages. The question [...]

What You Love

It would never have occurred to me, years after graduating college, that the place would mean as much to me as it does now. College was good, sure, but I had always thought that graduate school was where my real-life happiness began, where I wrote fiction full-time, where I edited the journal, when e came [...]

Ohio, Here I Come

Please please please let Antioch College stay open. I’m headed to Ohio now. (Pictured here is an image I remember from my admissions brochure.)
I’ll be on campus shortly, to return to the place where I:
had my eyes opened • had my ideas and views challenged • found inspiration • found my voice • studied harder [...]

The One Paragraph I’d Save from a Burning Building

Yesterday, I happened upon a paragraph from my graduate thesis, which had been a 500-page novel about my family. The paragraph was in a document from November of 2002. The last time I thought consciously about this project may well have been in November of 2002. I had forgotten that this paragraph existed. How could [...]

How I Came to Be

Seeing Lit Kitten’s mention of Margaret Atwood’s Cat’s Eye jolted me. It’s been a long time since I read that book, so long I couldn’t recall a word of it. Still, I can’t say I’d be the person I am today (or the writer, which for me has become the same thing) if I [...]

5 Things About Hair, Books, Beer, Cities, and Love

I have been tagged to confess 5 things you didn’t know about me until now, so here you are… my 5 things, and I’ve gone ahead and added themes:
(p.s. I sort of fell away from focusing on fashion.)
(p.p.s. There is a certain someone who already knows everything.)
1. HAIR
I cannot do my own hair. I don’t [...]

Spam, in the form of an auto commercial

“Maryland Hyundai Car Dealer” has added a comment to this blog to ask me:
What do you think of the new Hyundai Sonata?
To be honest, Maryland Hyundai Car Dealer, I had thought nothing of it. I don’t even know what it looks like. In addition, I live in New York City, have no use for a [...]

The New York Public Library & Me

All I wanted to do last week was visit the public library, but by the time I got out of work on any given night, the closest branch was closed. On Friday I decided to actually leave the building for “lunch” in order to go to the tiny little branch six or seven blocks away… [...]

A Good Day?

I had a decent day yesterday—some might even call it a fine day. A good day? I’ll even say that.
But first there was panic. It was early, still dark out, and I was leaving to go write at Starbucks before work when, as usual, I went to reach into the little blue ceramic holder on [...]

2007 Denial

I am having a hard time facing the fact that it is 2007. I keep having these moments. Like I was crossing the street just before and I remembered how old I am and I stopped on the corner and I felt inexplicably sad. This is not where I expected to be in 2007. I [...]

On Ideas, Fragments of Ideas, and the Red Room

In my mind right now is a tiny little thing. It started smaller than a pea, just this miniature glob knocking around up in there, sometimes I’d notice it, but most times I’d just let it be. It’s this idea I have. For the past few days I had a headache, so I couldn’t think [...]

distraction no. 99: 2006 in Review

I started posting sporadically in this blog in 2006. I started by carrying some older posts from another anonymous blog over here as a tease. Then I deleted that anonymous blog and stayed here for good. Now, apparently, I can’t stop. So here’s to a new addiction, or, I should say distraction… I tell you—it’s [...]

Faint

When I was very young I was prone to fainting spells. I have multiple memories of standing upright one minute, fighting that dizzying wind that fogged out all feeling above my neck, thinking I could do it, feeling the hot and the cold and the pins and needles crawling upward until they blotted out my [...]